What Is The Best Footwear For Icy Conditions

Halloween

Dliiin Dlooon ...

"Who is it?"
"Trick or treat?"
"Eh?"
"Trick or treat?"

trick, track, track, track, trick, scrock, gronck, track, trek, gneeec ...

"Trick? Thanks but I have diabetes, I can not eat sweets and still never buy from door to door salesmen "
" Sellers? I seem perhaps a seller? "
" Now that I look better not, I look like a dwarf dressed as a moron ... "
" I am a child, not a dwarf "
" But you're dressed moron lo stesso...”
“Sono mascherato”
“Perché, devi forse rapinare qualcuno?”
“Ma lei lo sa che giorno è oggi?”
“Venerdì, perché? Sei il rapinatore del venerdì, tu?”
“No, oggi è Halloween”
“'sa l'è?”
“Halloween, la festa dei morti”
“Umadonnasignùr, spetta che mi gratto... Guarda piccolino che ti sbagli. La festa dei morti è il 2 novembre”
“Ma noooooo... non quei morti lì, la festa dei morti viventi!”
“Bimbo, guarda, non so che idea abbia tu della morte ma i morti quando son morti died just "
" But there are also the living dead "
" Oh yeah? And where? "
" In America "
" Then why do not you take a cute little and you do not go to America to celebrate the Feast of the Dead instead of coming to crush the Maronites to me? "
" Ah, go well browns, biscuits instead of "
" I said I do not buy anything. Are you deaf? "
" Look what she is deaf. The night of Halloween, children go around the houses to ask for sweets and you do not receive them do tricks "
" 'sentinel, child, regardless of this festival that I Aulin che parla di morti non mi piace per niente, ma anche se avessi dei dolcetti in casa – e non li ho perché ti ho appena detto che ho il diabete e non posso mangiarli – non te ne darei nemmeno una briciola”
“Allora devo farle uno scherzetto”
“Ga manca dumà quest...”
“Eh?”
“Niente, niente. Senti, bambino, è tardi, stavo guardando Porta a Porta ed ero quasi riuscito ad addormentarmi, quindi perché non porti via dal mio uscio quella tua faccia da cadavere in decomposizione e non mi lasci in pace?”
“La regola è regola, se lei non mi dà un dolcetto io faccio lo scherzetto”
“Bimbo, è la third time that I tell you: I do not have sweets. If you want I can give you some roast turkey, boiled turnips, rye bread but no cookies. E 'understand the concept? "
" Then I have to do the trick "
" Epperlamiseria, let me' I joke, make it fast enough that Mj Vori I went to bed! "
" I do not know that her joke ... "
"In what way?"
"Nobody has ever refused to give me a treat, so I've never had to do no joke"
"Child, you are a bit 'hard on the uptake, huh? I'm not refusing, I just said that I did not! Want money? To, take fifty cents and bought what you want "
" And you think what we buy with fifty cents? "
" Macchenneso? When I was little I with fifty cents we bought the wheels of licorice and a small bottle of syrup colored "
" But in his day there were pounds, now we are the euro and cents are not worth more as a time! "
" Do not my problem. Take a coin and get it over with "
" My parents always told me not to accept money from strangers "
" Nice, Umberto Zucca. Goodbye "
" But where am I going to buy the candy now?? "
" I do not know, heck, I DO NOT KNOW! Listen, I could do what I did, ok? Now you decide, or make me a joke or you'll dig the fuck out, okay? I want to go to bed, I do not care nothing about the dead, the living, some sweets and how one understands better when there were pounds ... "
" Sooner or later he will die too, you know? "
" You're probably gufando? "
" Eh? "
" you're throwing me? You're bringing bad luck? Your second job is to make the undertaker? "
" I am a child, does not work, I'm still studying "
" And because you're not home to do so at this moment? "
" Because tonight is party "
"Oh no, my ignorantello. Here we are in Italy and is not party to party if you want to go to America or wait two days "
" If I go back in two days you will give me a treat? "
" Sweet ... but porc ... baby, maybe you're deaf lip-reading and maybe you is clear: do not eat sweets, I have diabetes "
" But you must not eat them, they must give me "
" Why ????"
"Why is the tradition of Halloween "
" I do not celebrate, Aulin
!!!!" "It should not get angry so much, swelled the veins on his neck"
"Well, too bad che tu non riesca a vedere nei miei pantaloni, perché altrimenti scopriresti che non mi si gonfiano solo quelle!!!”
“Non mi interessa vedere quello che ha nei pantaloni e se ci prova chiamo la polizia”
“Io non... non voglio mostrarti niente, ho solamente detto che... Senti, aspetta qui un momento”
“... Signore? Dov'è andato? Signore? ...”
“Ecco, prendi questa caramella e vattene, ok?”
“Ma allora ce l'aveva il dolcetto!”
“Sì, di capodimonte, contento? Fa parte della mia collezione di ceramiche napoletane del secolo scorso ma tutto d'un tratto ho deciso di cambiare collezione e darmi alle droghe, ok? In fact, you know I do? Childbirth. Now I take a taxi, go to the airport, buy a nice one-way ticket to America so I may finally go around dressed as Michael Jackson with syphilis and I can finally celebrate the feast of Aulin, happy? "
" Yes, sir, but ... "
" But WHAT?? "
" In America have abolished Halloween ... "

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Interview with Chuck Norris

After the interview with God and the Higgs boson, the last interview the inventor Universe.

Interview with Chuck Norris

Question: It 'an honor to be able to interview. Recently I met with the Higgs boson, which made me an excellent statement: it says that the universe has invented her.

Chuck: The Higgs ? Cute kid ...

Question: So ? What he said is true or not?

Chuck: invented is a big word, we say that the idea is mine, here. I rejected the basics.

Question: How ? Rejected? Well, modest as ever.

Chuck: It 's a bit of my pecuniary characteristic.

Question: pecuniary?

Chuck: Yes, fine. When one has a particular talent or ability that distinguishes him.

Question: Ah, yes, I understand ... um ... And how did the idea of \u200b\u200bcreating the universe?

Chuck: E 'was an epiphany. In the sense that I was there, in the empty space and in total darkness and I had nothing to do but turn thumbs in a clockwise direction. After nearly two millennia of clockwise, I began to twist counterclockwise and found to have invented the reverse. After about four or five millennia, I can not tell you exactly how the math because, unlike literature, is not my forte, I decided it was time to stretch legs too. At the time I was just ectorplasma e. ..

Question: A ectorche?

Chuck: A ECTORPLASMA. An entity without rhyme or reason, neither meat nor fish, nor pottage, has this? Well, I mean, as a disembodied entity but one spirit, I decided that I should raise my body position and move to a more material and solidified, because otherwise I would never be able to have sex. But that's another story.

Question: Excuse me if I would, Mr. Norris, but from what I remember she never had sex.

Chuck: Ah, no? Here cos’ho dimenticato di fare, allora! Comunque..., dopo aver dato una forma ben fatta e muscolosa al mio nuovo corpo, scoprii quanto era bello fare attività fisica. L’unico problema era che in totale assenza di gravità non riuscivo mai a capire qual era il sopra e quale il sotto, così pensai che dovevo assolutamente creare qualcos’altro di materiale, oltre me, per poter avere sotto i piedi della sostanza concreta su cui correre, saltare, dormire e fare sesso.

Domanda: Le ricordo che non ha mai fatto sesso.

Chuck: Ah, vero. Ha fatto bene a ricordarmelo, ora me lo segno. Dicevo, mentre vagavo senza meta per l’universo, scorgetti da lontano...

Question: Scorgetti?

Chuck: Yes, why?

Question: Nothing, nothing, should be continued as well.

Chuck: ... scorgetti the sign of this pub on the edge of the universe that had not yet been created, which I knew perfectly well why it was written on the sign "The universe has not yet been created," and while I appropinquavo seco me, with you, I distinctly heard a laugh come from local Rufuliana. My sixth or eighth sense, I do not remember, told me that someone was in danger and needed help, so I started looking for a phone, a mobile phone or even a carrier pigeon, but nothing. Appuntai contact me, then such a MacGyver who told me did wonders with string and a couple of matches ... I should point out, however, that at the time of the foul deed, my body was still under warranty, I did not know how it worked, so I was pretty clumsy in his movements ...

Question: But as she has not always been as we used to know? Physical sculpture, shot cat and primate jaw?

Chuck: Eh, no. Even I was a Merdin as a young man. Just like her.

Question: Excuse me, but here we are talking about me.

Chuck: Very true, but believe me, you would need to do some 'gym.

Question: not digress.

Chuck: Well, not yet know the potential of this body of mine well done and beautifully muscled, then after opening the doors of the pub - that were similar to those of the Wild West saloon, has this? Of those that if you're not careful you find yourself suddenly in the back - I was suddenly the doors in the back and hit me scapicollare toward the center of the room, not before, however, to have stumbled with my leg in a camperos stool. The collision was so violent that one of my camperos $ 2000 took off from my perfect, muscular foot and was thrown into the air in the direction of Rufuliano. In his swirling hiss, camperos first hit the wall where that nice Higgs was stuck, then the Rufuliano, killing him instantly, then the bartender, who died of old age a few years later. It is to thank that I only have two feet, otherwise I would un'ecatrombe ...

Question: Eca ... But then, sorry, let me know ... was not her, kicked rotating to release the Higgs?

Chuck: Eh, no ... Do you think, even now I do not know how to do a rotating football, usually the ones they make my stand.

Question: Lei .. has a stunt double? We always thought it was always her to turn even the most dangerous scene of his TV series and now it turns out that a stunt?

Chuck: Look, I would have liked them to me, but I did just four years of ballet e. ..

Question: BALLET??

Chuck: course! I already got a degree in cross stitch, third level, attended the santons paste salt, to hair curlers and no one on the extreme French Manicure ... I missed only the ballet, to be a complete player, no?

Question: Excuse me, but then his stand-in who he is?

Chuck: do not know, I never laid eyes on ... But I know what it's called.

Question: How ?

Chuck: Sister Germana.

Can I Drive An Unregistered Car

Controls

"Next!"
"Evening, Doctor"
"Please sit down. So tell me, what's the problem? "
" You see, doctor, I have to fix the view "
" Well, I'm an ophthalmologist, is my field. What symptoms do you have? "
" To tell the truth no one "
" Like anyone? "
" None. Ci vedo benissimo, centro una mela a 300 metri di distanza, riesco a scorgere una sagoma anche al buio e via discorrendo”
“Allora, scusi, non capisco in cosa posso esserle utile”
“Perché tutti mi dicono che sono cieco”
“Quanti sono questi?”
“Due. Se contiamo anche il moncherino del mignolo che le hanno ricucito con 3 punti di sutura e che ha la pelle leggermente screpolata verso l’esterno, due e mezzo”
“Ah-ehm... a me sembra che lei ci veda benissimo”
“E’ quello che dico anche io, ma la gente si ostina a dire che sono cieco!”
“Beh, compiliamo la scheda, intanto: nome e cognome?”
“Eros”
“Eros e poi?”
“Eros e basta”
“Ebasta di cognome?”
“Ma no, mi chiamo solo Eros. Non ho cognome”
“Impossibile”
“Ma ha capito chi sono?”
“Dovrei?”
“Santa patata! Sono Eros, il Dio dell’Amore!”
“Eros il dio del... mi sta prendendo in giro? Eros è un amorino con lenzuolino bianco legato ai fianchi, la faretra sulla schiena e un arco con freccia pronta a scoccare”
“Ma secondo lei, se mi presentavo qui come dice lei crede che mi avrebbero fatto passare? Sarei stato sommerso da richieste”
"Uhm ... in fact. Then she would tell me who is not blind? "
" I am not, Did I just proved "
" True, yes. Yet everyone knows that Love is blind "
" We want to stop? We see very well. Before people fall in love, then blame me "
" Why, is it not so? "
" Of course not. Let me explain: I'm around on my own, looking happy, no? I am enjoying a beautiful sunny day when suddenly I hear the thoughts of the girl who walks past me saying "Oh, if only my boss would notice that I exist ... If only you loved me! " And I, who are precise and faithful to duty, a desire to reply. I follow the maiden from his office, I see sdilinquirsi front of the boss, bow and arrows and hit recovery. The boss finally sees the girl and after a minimum exchange of pleasantries and jokes low cabaret invites you to come out. The two go out, spend a nice evening, have dinner, then go into a pub here and are served by a waiter who define Marcantonio is an understatement: two biceps like that, stuff for 15 hours in the gym if not more. I realize that the intentions of the damsel shaky, is not so convinced that the boss is a very interesting specimen, possibly because of incipient baldness or the fact that the armpit slightly spotted, do not know. The fact is that what first seemed an angelic creature begins to sound like a dumb servant with clothes thrown over. Groping to find a solution, therefore, must understand, the poor thing now is cooked rotten, when I hit hit and there's no way back. Then I look around and I saw a girl who drools for the waiter and think "God, how many children I would like us with a case. If the biceps is so great let alone the rest. " Now, maybe the girls did not know that the big gyms have everything except the one, but it's not my problem, then step on the offensive and ZAC! I hit the waiter. The problem is that the waiter was thinking "nice this tipino with balding" and finds himself in love with the boss. Of course, the boss only has eyes for his secretary, and the Michelin Man living can not help but attract the attention of the balding, pouring a drink on me and trying to clean it clumsily. Doing so will realize that the boss pattern balding valet FOPPAPEDRETTI down there is enthusiastically delivered and the waiter lets out a yelp that does not go unnoticed by the owner of the restaurant, one type at a Danny De Vito, but more fat and less sympathetic, which is approaches their table and notices the girl. At that moment he thought "Heck, waving! Of such a I also love, if I'm not tired after the second round. " What can I do at this juncture? I pull back the bow and let fly. For a moment I fear it was wrong because the secretary becomes aware of yes boss of the restaurant but it seems that the guy does not like. Cold sweat ... at that time a reasonable doubt that people have reason makes its way into my mind, then something happens, I do not know whether it is because of the Rolex 14 thousand euro, the boss has the wrist or otherwise, is that she seems to be interested in fat latin-lover. I'm beginning to think I finished my work when I noticed that the girl who drooled for the waiter is the only one that I still have not satisfied then again the bow braced and Zac! I hit it again. Too bad that at that moment she was thinking with envy of its neighbor, the one which shakes the tablecloth on the balcony filled constantly with crumbs and discovered with horror that, after my Scocco scored, is mulling to come home from the nearby to make bread crumbs on a whole of Puglia, not before, however, to have spread with Nutella, whipped cream and berries varied. In short, at the end of the evening I have: a gifted boss in love with his secretary who is in love with the owner of the pub that will fire for misconduct that the waiter was in love with the boss as a customer you pluck a resounding two of spades from the nearby crumbling because a few weeks ago the same neighbor I was struck by a dart loving because the plumber who is laying the sewer pipes under her house she's seeing invanghito shake the tablecloth on the balcony. Do you understand? "
" I really do not know ... What do you mean? "
" I mean that's not my fault, but yours! "
Nostra? That is, the fault is ours if we fall in love is not reciprocated or the wrong person? "
" Yeah. It 's what I mean "
" Let me get ... then she would tell me that some years ago, while jogging in the park and I was doing nicely on my own thinking about the spider new model that I was going to buy my future wife, seeing me, he expressed the desire to mate with me and you, dutiful, he hit one of his arrows making me surrender? "
" I guess it went exactly like that "
"The fact that I was gay she was not in any way an obstacle, right?"
"Gay? Ma .. I do not ... "
" And the fact that now, when my wife is away for work, I wear his clothes, not even that the matter, right? "
... I could not imagine ... "
" And the fact that it must meet my lover in secret, to invent business trips, overtime, medical meetings and spend a lot of money into third-rate motels and hotels to avoid giving rise to rumors, has never touched the conscience, right? "
... Well, here, I ... "
" And the fact that I had to distort my sexuality and live all these years I feel inadequate to fill the role that she forced me to support, not to the point makes you feel guilty? "
" But I did not know ... I just did my job ... "
" His work ruined my life! "
" Do not say that ... at the bottom of his wife he loves her! "
" And I love a plumber! "
... I take those with the large frame. How much? "

Read Jthm Comics Free

Interview Higgs boson

Question: To level playing field I think it right to interview too ...

Higgs: I would also like to see well. Since when do we take it for granted that one does not exist just because no one has ever seen? For example, you ever seen God?

Question: Well, of course ... I spoke a moment ago

Higgs: I mean, he never saw his face, touched, button, or shake it is based on hearsay?

Question: Well, actually, I must sadly confess that I am one of those who trust the word of mouth

Bosone: Bravo! Però siccome di lui ne parlano in tanti si dà per scontato che esista, mentre visto che di me ne parla un unico imbecille, si mette in dubbio la veridicità delle sue parole. Un po' come gli UFO: comincia uno a dire che l'ha visto, casualmente altri mille li hanno visti. E prima? Perché non hanno parlato prima?

Domanda: Guardi, non è mancanza di fiducia, eh? Solo che davvero non sappiamo che faccia abbia.

Bosone: E che faccia dovrei avere? Come quella di un normalissimo Bosone.

Domanda: Ha detto bosone, vero?

Bosone: Sì, perché?

Question: Nothing, nothing ... I thought I had misheard. But, excuse me if I insist, it seems to me that before anyone ever spoke of Higgs bosons, so she should be unique. Or not?

Higgs: Eccerto, right, one and three. But according to you, it is possible that a single boson has given birth to the universe?

Question: Excuse me, but the universe did not invent God?

Higgs: Who?

Question: God is not without reason, scientists are looking for you looking for the "God Particle"

Higgs: Look, let's face it, I do not know who he is this God of whom Lei Who is it? A scientist? A physicist? A researcher?

Question: He likes to call himself an artist. He says he created the universe through a sneeze and the Pongo.

Higgs: But never mind! Do you know how many protons, electrons, neutrons, neutrinos, leptons, quarks, hadrons, baryons fermions, pentaquark, hyperons and so it took to create the universe and life?

Question: Not a Higgs?

Higgs: Well, clearly yes: me.

Question: At this point it is natural to ask, but she has that role in all this?

Higgs: I can speak honestly? I'm really not to blame. Let me explain: I was in a pub just outside the universe, this universe, I mean ... that is not created yet. I was sipping a Lewptiok Beltane in the company of a swing that does not tell her, showing off all my sex appeal and enumerate all the adventures that happened last safari extra-galactic eons before I turned two, including the creation of a spiral galaxy , when suddenly I felt a tap on the shoulder to do with unfriendly. I turn my gaze crosses that of a belt xetoril Rufuliano east of Vonanzia a pianetoide absurd that rotates on itself at a breakneck speed, but that revolves around its sun at a speed of a lumaca Bretaliana, ovvero praticamente fermo. Pensi che una rivoluzione totale del pianeta intorno al suo sole equivale a qualcosa come novemilionisettecentonovantasettemilatrecentocinqu- antottovirgolanoveperiodico anni luce al secondo. Insomma, una roba da invecchiare al solo pensiero. Comunque, dopo aver capito chi mi trovavo davanti ho gentilmente allontanato la bellezza al mio fianco dicendole “Scusa, cara, ho un affaruccio da sbrigare, torno fra due parsec”, dopodiché ho alzato lo sguardo: le zanne del Rufuliano stavano colando saliva sulle mie palpebre, le prime, non le terze, qui, vede? Il suo ruggito è riuscito a spettinare le mie sopracciglia, che noi bosoni portiamo lunghe per sfruttarle come riporto sulla fronte durante i gelidi Wuxxol winters. It 's the fashion, what can I do, and there is so cold ... As I casually rearranged her eyebrows, the monster vomits on my words in a jargon I do not know. Snap your fingers towards the bartender, who understands my desire to fly and takes me another Lewptiok beltaliano. With studied slowness me to his lips, then, with shooting feline him back on his pants: If there's one thing that Rufuliani not stand, you have wet my pants. While the incident reflected the beast (in a brute of this kind, before the message reaches the brain spend at least two to three minutes), I appropinquo to the door but not so fast as I hoped, because the crack of a whip is mesana squashed directly to my left ear, the first of five, now here is where the hole, clean off. At that point it is obvious that I can not escape, I have to behave like a boson and fight. I turn with feline sprint and jump towards the beast, without realizing that the doll that I was working on was actually a mutant gattelliana that turns into a fast-setting concrete wall at the very moment when my amphibians are tracked to hit the mouth of Rufuliano. In a moment I find myself trapped, with no possibility of escape, when, incredibly, I hear the unmistakable hiss of a rotating football hitting the wall first, then the Rufuliano and then also il barista, lasciando miracolosamente intatto il Lewptiok beltaliano. Ero salvo. Chuck Norris mi aveva appena salvato la vita.

Domanda: Ma perché, Chuck Norris esisteva già, all'epoca?

Bosone: La verità? L'universo l'ha creato lui...